I can't believe this year is already over. I guess I should be happy but this new year only reminds me of so many things I have to change and confront. Only a few more months till graduation. Though I am looking forward to going to college I'm dreading the day that I will no longer be called a student at Grace. It seems that with every problem I conquer another one steps in line just waiting for the day that I can confront it. As of now it's my shyness that seems like my enemy. I don't like being shy, not being able to talk to people, never knowing what to say, I can't stand that. For awhile now I've been trying to look people in the eye as I talk to them and try to be more outgoing. But sometimes I forget, and settle back into myself and get quiet again. Its something I feel I can't help but doing but on the other hand feel like my shyness is hurting things more than it is helping.
Another thing on my mind is Grace. I love Grace (the church) as much as I love the school. Grace is a place where I can rest, be sorrounded with the sounds and people I love and listen to His Word. Sometimes Im unsure of things in my life, but this is the one thing I know down to the core, that Grace is where God wants me to be. It just gets me thinking about what kind of church I will go to after college. I may stay in florida but want so bad to come back to Grace. If the church changes over the years that I'll be gone, i know I would look for a church like how Grace is now. Everything about Grace, especially the music, puts me in my "happy place", a place of quiet euphoria where all troubles are gone, hope is renewed and I can just rest in its peace. Sometimes at church I look around at everyone and wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way. I don't think I am but I know that I'm thankful for every sunday and wednesday I can go there and feel free.
Dont forget to close the door on your way out. Thank You
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4 comments:
Christina,
I always love reading your blogs. You may be "shy" in some respects, but you express yourself beautifully in writing. There are many forms of communcation. Verbal may not be your strength, but you excel in written...and in your non-verbal. You always have a sweet and kind countenance about you that I like.
I don't know if it helps or not, but in my case, I have always been considered very "outgoing". As a matter of fact, it can be a curse not knowing when to keep your mouth shut! Words are very powerful...powerful to help...powerful to hurt. There are so many words that have come out of my mouth over the years that I wish I could have pulled back the moment they were out. If I was a little more "shy", perhaps they wouldn't have come out!
Also, many people (including myself) that appear to be "outgoing" feel just as self-conscious as you do. But our personality type compensates for those feels of insecurity by being an extrovert to the extreme! Does that make sense? Kind of the "class clown" syndrome! But remember that the Bible praises those who are SLOW to speak! So be patient with yourself! You communicate in so many other ways than with your mouth!
You're terrific!
Mrs. A
...and by the way...YES...there are others of us who feel the same way at Grace.
But you know, Danielle and I left a WONDERFUL church and church family in Kansas City. One that I would have never believed in a million years that I would leave, or that I could ever possibly find another that I would love as much, or learn as much from....but God brought us to Grace.
Trust Him, Christina. If you have a seeking, teachable and willing heart (like you do), he will take you where you need to be!
so rw, you can comment here and everything but can't even email me once or commet once or post ONCE. What were the words again... oh yeah- "I can never get on anymore" and "When I do I have no time". right.
every time I call, you don't care. I might as well be speacking to a wall, because you don't care. You don't, or the conversations would be different.
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