Its been two years from today that I was saved from the depths of hell by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I can't believe its already been two years. He's shown me a lot but I don't think Ive grown much. Over the last year I have grown closer to him but its still not as far as I'd like to be. I am grateful though for all that I have learned and who I am now rather than who I would have been if this wonderful birthday hadn't occurred. Here are some verses he's been working on me with for quite a while.
Proverbs15:1
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
2Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Colossians 3:8
But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things.
Ephesians 5:19
Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;
And the verse that I experienced on August 20,05:
John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Grace Graduation
This past Friday was one of the most important days of my life, high school graduation. I was expecting to be depressed beyond consolation when the event was over but something different has occupied my heart and mind. Yes, I did cry...for reasons like forgetting to pose for my parents when I got my diploma and knowing that a few close friends were going to move to Ohio only a few days later. But when I got home and all was said and done I cried for a different reason. Its hard not to look back at my last four years without seeing the complete change God had made in my life through a single phone call my dad made.
About four years ago I was home schooled, going along with my schoolwork, running into frequent speed bumps when it came to math. I wanted to go back to public school after three years of being home schooled, even though I was pretty much afraid of people, especially kids around my age. I wanted to go to a decent school that actually cared about academics instead of passing kids through the system... I wanted to go to Columbus High School. I knew I had to pass a test to enter CHS, and in order to do so I had to get better in math. I couldn't wait to go to a real school building and have friends, a classroom, school desks with paper and pencils and a chalkboard and the chance to hear the school bell ring. My dad decided to make some calls, to random places, to find me a tutor that would help me toward this lofty goal of mine. He called christian schools, hoping to find a respectful young person that he could trust to help me. He got referenced to a girl who attended Grace Christian School, who later accepted the request to tutor me a couple times a week. Yes, I was scared but as I saw it, I had to press on and do what I had to to get this accomplished. When I finally met this person, I was too shy to talk to her and her family and I think muttered only a few words but they were all polite, outgoing and helpful. There was something about her family, even her room that was different than usual, but I couldn't put my finger on it, I just knew that I felt safe going there every week. She would talk to me about who she was and would ask me questions, then tutor me as best as she could. I was as stubborn as a mule, I was always afraid to be wrong and looked at as dumb and would have her try to show me things through instead of me showing her if I understood it. I knew my progress was slow through my stubbornness but I figured Id eventually get comfortable and try harder then. Throughout all this she was as patient as she could be. She began to invite me to youth group activities at her church and witness to me. I always said I was busy, knowing I just didn't want to go somewhere where I didn't know most of the people. Id take the tracts she'd give me and look over them, & think that , yeah, it was a nice idea to think about God but I didn't really need to, did I? Id assure myself that I was a good person, that I could talk to God whenever I wanted to, that I was already what she called saved 'cause I wanted to talk to God. But eventually I gave it a go and went to a scavenger hunt with her church youth group. To my surprise I met some cool people that quickly befriended me. At one point the youth pastor prayed, saying that if anyone wasn't saved that they would invite Him into their hearts...., I looked up and expected kids to have their eyes open, playing along with the pastor, acting spiritual. But they weren't, I didn't understand but didn't really try to find out why they did this either. Well, a couple months had passed and I took the test to go to Columbus High. I thought I did well, yet knew that I didn't do so great on the math section. The verdict finally came in the mail, whether or not I was going to Columbus High, my goal, my dream.... I opened up the envelope and I...didn't get in. I felt my heart break, I saw this as my only chance to get back to a good High School. What would I do now? We talked to the CHS administrator and she said I could only attend the school if I entered in as a freshman when I was already a sophomore. I figured I would stay home schooled and not go to a school, that I was too dumb and couldn't succeed anyway. But my tutor invited me to go to Grace Christian School for one day and see how I liked it. I told my parents that I didn't want to attend a school where I'd be religiously brainwashed and wouldn't be taught the right information. But something happened, I don't know what but I decided to go. I decided to go with her to check out the school, figuring we wouldn't have enough money to attend Grace anyway so why not spend my day going to an actual school for the fun of it. We entered the school( I was as nervous as I could be), and I followed her through the crowded hall, up the stairs to the class. I sat on the side of English class, was briefly introduced and intently watched everything. People were actually happy, and had a sense of humor. They weren't vulgar and depressing to be around. I went throughout the day meeting people and with every minute I was there I grew to like it more and more. By the end of the day I was telling my parents how awesome it was to be at Grace, how it felt like home to me. The following Thursday we talked the high school principle to see if I could enroll, the following Tuesday I began my first day as a student at Grace Christian School. For the first time in my life I knew it was were I was suppose to be, I love that school.
Now I am an Alumni of Grace, it makes me sad but it warms my heart to know that I graduated and spent my last few years at a place that I didn't just go through to get a diploma.I went there to unexpectedly find a family who loved me, a family of teachers,students and pastors who cared not only about what entered into my mind but what was in my heart. Before I went to Grace, I wanted to map out my life myself, I wanted to do what I wanted to do with no idea where I was headed. I wanted to believe what I wanted to believe without giving care to the important things in life. And the most important, where I was going when my life was over and who it belongs to while I'm still here on earth.
Those who read my blog know that the Lord has been working in my heart about having the confidence to do things in front of groups of people. Over the past few weeks He has given me the strength to give a speech at an Honor Society Induction and sing for teen Sunday, baccalaureate and graduation. Before I trusted in the Lord I would have not been able to stand, too scared that my knees would knock and Id be too nervous. But with His grace Ive been able to do more than I ever have and pray for this grace for when I enter PCC this fall.
This is my favorite verse, read at my graduation:
Psalm 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Thank you Lord
About four years ago I was home schooled, going along with my schoolwork, running into frequent speed bumps when it came to math. I wanted to go back to public school after three years of being home schooled, even though I was pretty much afraid of people, especially kids around my age. I wanted to go to a decent school that actually cared about academics instead of passing kids through the system... I wanted to go to Columbus High School. I knew I had to pass a test to enter CHS, and in order to do so I had to get better in math. I couldn't wait to go to a real school building and have friends, a classroom, school desks with paper and pencils and a chalkboard and the chance to hear the school bell ring. My dad decided to make some calls, to random places, to find me a tutor that would help me toward this lofty goal of mine. He called christian schools, hoping to find a respectful young person that he could trust to help me. He got referenced to a girl who attended Grace Christian School, who later accepted the request to tutor me a couple times a week. Yes, I was scared but as I saw it, I had to press on and do what I had to to get this accomplished. When I finally met this person, I was too shy to talk to her and her family and I think muttered only a few words but they were all polite, outgoing and helpful. There was something about her family, even her room that was different than usual, but I couldn't put my finger on it, I just knew that I felt safe going there every week. She would talk to me about who she was and would ask me questions, then tutor me as best as she could. I was as stubborn as a mule, I was always afraid to be wrong and looked at as dumb and would have her try to show me things through instead of me showing her if I understood it. I knew my progress was slow through my stubbornness but I figured Id eventually get comfortable and try harder then. Throughout all this she was as patient as she could be. She began to invite me to youth group activities at her church and witness to me. I always said I was busy, knowing I just didn't want to go somewhere where I didn't know most of the people. Id take the tracts she'd give me and look over them, & think that , yeah, it was a nice idea to think about God but I didn't really need to, did I? Id assure myself that I was a good person, that I could talk to God whenever I wanted to, that I was already what she called saved 'cause I wanted to talk to God. But eventually I gave it a go and went to a scavenger hunt with her church youth group. To my surprise I met some cool people that quickly befriended me. At one point the youth pastor prayed, saying that if anyone wasn't saved that they would invite Him into their hearts...., I looked up and expected kids to have their eyes open, playing along with the pastor, acting spiritual. But they weren't, I didn't understand but didn't really try to find out why they did this either. Well, a couple months had passed and I took the test to go to Columbus High. I thought I did well, yet knew that I didn't do so great on the math section. The verdict finally came in the mail, whether or not I was going to Columbus High, my goal, my dream.... I opened up the envelope and I...didn't get in. I felt my heart break, I saw this as my only chance to get back to a good High School. What would I do now? We talked to the CHS administrator and she said I could only attend the school if I entered in as a freshman when I was already a sophomore. I figured I would stay home schooled and not go to a school, that I was too dumb and couldn't succeed anyway. But my tutor invited me to go to Grace Christian School for one day and see how I liked it. I told my parents that I didn't want to attend a school where I'd be religiously brainwashed and wouldn't be taught the right information. But something happened, I don't know what but I decided to go. I decided to go with her to check out the school, figuring we wouldn't have enough money to attend Grace anyway so why not spend my day going to an actual school for the fun of it. We entered the school( I was as nervous as I could be), and I followed her through the crowded hall, up the stairs to the class. I sat on the side of English class, was briefly introduced and intently watched everything. People were actually happy, and had a sense of humor. They weren't vulgar and depressing to be around. I went throughout the day meeting people and with every minute I was there I grew to like it more and more. By the end of the day I was telling my parents how awesome it was to be at Grace, how it felt like home to me. The following Thursday we talked the high school principle to see if I could enroll, the following Tuesday I began my first day as a student at Grace Christian School. For the first time in my life I knew it was were I was suppose to be, I love that school.
Now I am an Alumni of Grace, it makes me sad but it warms my heart to know that I graduated and spent my last few years at a place that I didn't just go through to get a diploma.I went there to unexpectedly find a family who loved me, a family of teachers,students and pastors who cared not only about what entered into my mind but what was in my heart. Before I went to Grace, I wanted to map out my life myself, I wanted to do what I wanted to do with no idea where I was headed. I wanted to believe what I wanted to believe without giving care to the important things in life. And the most important, where I was going when my life was over and who it belongs to while I'm still here on earth.
Those who read my blog know that the Lord has been working in my heart about having the confidence to do things in front of groups of people. Over the past few weeks He has given me the strength to give a speech at an Honor Society Induction and sing for teen Sunday, baccalaureate and graduation. Before I trusted in the Lord I would have not been able to stand, too scared that my knees would knock and Id be too nervous. But with His grace Ive been able to do more than I ever have and pray for this grace for when I enter PCC this fall.
This is my favorite verse, read at my graduation:
Psalm 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Thank you Lord
Sunday, March 04, 2007
His Will
Within the last week I came to a point of hard realization. The same old issues intertwine as God has been working in my heart about them. My heart was on fire for God and all I wanted was to be in his will. But a few days ago the thought of Speech class next semester at PCC made my stomach drop in fear. Yeah, He's been working in my heart about my shyness and how I'm not just suppose to change for Him but through Him. Yet why did it scare me so, to just think of being in front of people and giving speeches for a class. This idea loomed in my mind all day as I thought of how dreadful it'll be to have to act in front of a class when I can barely read alound in my highschool English class now. At that point I thought of just giving up and not caring anymore. Some may think its silly to worry about all this, just do your best and quit complaining, right? Well, complaining was all that was in my mind and heart until I talked to yes, John, about it. I sat there listening to things I already knew; that He wasn't the source of all these oh not so helpful thoughts and that there could be something done about this. I sat there stubborn and crying, trying to ignore the obvious answer of what should I do next since I know these things are true. Of course, his answer was to carry it out, do something about it. I knew what that meant, that meant to not just say but do; not just say that I am going to change through Him but put myself out there and as John told me from Psalm 139:10, that God is there holding my hand. Yes this is hard to do, it also includes humility to give up these things and fully Trust in Him. After this talk I was still stubborn even though I had made the decsion to put myself in situations that will make me rely on Him more. The next day I broke down in tears
before my devotions and prayed to God to show me what to do. I was reading in Matthew(yes I should be in Mark right now but Im getting closer...) and continuing through Matthew 21. I came to the parable that Jesus taught in which there where two men that were given orders by there father to go work in the vineyard. One son told his father "I will not: but afterward he repented, and went.", and the other son said he would go but did not. Jesus asked the chief priests and elders who they thought did the will of his father, and they said it was the first son who did his fathers will. As I reread this agian today I started crying. Realizing that earlier a few days ago I had given up on God in my heart and said no "I will not"( and had been the like second soon beforehand). His mercy later allowing me to repent and go do His will. I love this parable , it is simple but it holds so much about His will for me.
before my devotions and prayed to God to show me what to do. I was reading in Matthew(yes I should be in Mark right now but Im getting closer...) and continuing through Matthew 21. I came to the parable that Jesus taught in which there where two men that were given orders by there father to go work in the vineyard. One son told his father "I will not: but afterward he repented, and went.", and the other son said he would go but did not. Jesus asked the chief priests and elders who they thought did the will of his father, and they said it was the first son who did his fathers will. As I reread this agian today I started crying. Realizing that earlier a few days ago I had given up on God in my heart and said no "I will not"( and had been the like second soon beforehand). His mercy later allowing me to repent and go do His will. I love this parable , it is simple but it holds so much about His will for me.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
We Are The Clay
Again many things have been going on in my life and the Lord has been working in my heart in many ways. The other day John was talking to me about an awesome messege he heard in chapel at PCC. The theme of this messege was the relationship of the clay to the Potter. The Lord had used this message to convict John about some choices he was making. And in the same way the Lord was emphasizing to me how I(the clay) should respect and reverence my Potter. One thing that stood out was the idea that a pot(or clay) doesn't complain about how the potter has made it. My shyness has been a factor that I have tried so hard to change. But after some needed advice from some wise people and thinking about this messege I realize that I can't change who I am, who He's made me to be. But I know that " I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me"Philippians 4:1. Though short that verse requires so much of me, it shows that He doesn't need me to try to be anybody else but he needs me to put away my shame, my discomfort, my inabilities(etc.) and focus on Him."But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you"Matthew 6:33. Again, it requires me to stop thinking about me, oh so hard to do but the good thing is that I have Him to be my strength and focus to do so. And so a praise for the fact that unlike the lost who are without a savior, I have Him. I have no need to try to search within myself for the things I lack, that is a fruitless and unending task. But I have Him. To think about the fact that we have a Savior who is there for us is amazing. Not to be monotonous but its hard not to love the words"we have Him". Thank you Lord for that unexpected thought.
Praises
Friends family situations have turned for the better
Stomach pains have gone
Marshall's feelin' better
Prayer Requests
Grades
Sickness at school and home
Fine Arts Competition Preparation
Praises
Friends family situations have turned for the better
Stomach pains have gone
Marshall's feelin' better
Prayer Requests
Grades
Sickness at school and home
Fine Arts Competition Preparation
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